New to PAA

Ask questions about Paruresis, tell your story, talk about it!
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andydiggler
Posts: 4
Joined: Sat May 12, 2012 11:58 pm

New to PAA

Post by andydiggler » Mon May 14, 2012 11:57 pm

hey all,
my name is andy, and im a 36 yo paruretic from perth. i was told about this site by someone on the IPA website, which i have been a part of for a few months now.

i have had paruresis for as long as i can remember, and up till a few years ago, thought i alone suffered this condition. about a year ago i started looking for a way to overcome it, and after trying all the magic quick fix bullshit, 2 months ago i started graduated exposure. without really having anyone to help, i started heading out to the bigger shopping centres on my own, 5-6 days a week, 3-4 hours a day. being unemployed, i decided to make it my job to practice. and in those 2 months i have come a long way. at the start i could only go sitting in a cubicle (and misfiring a lot of the time). now, with a full bladder, i can go in any situation.....right next to someone, in between people, urinal bowls and troughs. but now i need to take the next step. with a full bladder, i can enter a bathroom, and be completely confident of success. the worry and...fear usually felt is not there anymore, or at least not with sufficient strength to inhibit the ability to pee. which is great, amazing, i am completely stoked, dont get me wrong. but when i enter a toilet with a lower urgency, the worry and fear returns. i went today to a public toilet with a lower urgency, and it played on my mind. i was successful, but there was no-one right next to me.

so i guess im asking for some help and advice on where to go from here. continuing with the same practice i have been doing for 2 months seems pointless (i mean 6 days a week), because dont have a problem in that situation anymore. i want to improve, and most definitely dont want to go backwards! i feel my brain is almost ready to accept that yes, i can pee in front of people (i have literally done it 100s and 100s times now), but because of the 25 years of negative training, it just cant let go. anyone know what exercises are used in the workshops to combat the secondary paruresis, or some cognitive behavioral therapy that i can use, or practice, or something like that?
any advice or help would be much appreciated.

thanks for reading
andy

JohnW
Site Admin
Posts: 97
Joined: Sat Jan 10, 2009 9:42 pm

Re: New to PAA

Post by JohnW » Tue May 15, 2012 9:19 am

andydiggler,

Welcome to our Forum, and congratulations for the remarkable progress you have made in just two months. To have come that far in such a short time is very unusual. I can think of only one other person with a similar story - a guy telling it on the old IPA Forum a few years ago. Like yourself, he was unemployed, and he hit the shopping malls day after day.

Let me say that most people would have a problem peeing if the urgency is not high enough, but as you indicate, the memory of years of missfires is cutting in, adding another layer of difficulty.

The principle of graduated exposure is that you gradually increase the level of challenge, doing so repetitively and not advancing too quickly. As far as I can see it, the only way you can do that in the public situation, given that you seem to have great success with a full bladder, is to continue your present practising but only pee for a few seconds each time. In the course of the day you should be able to reduce the level of urgency progressively, and so your practice will bring you more and more into the region you will find useful.

Two other things:
1) There is a support group in Perth. You will find the contact details on the IPA support group page.
2) I would think that if you really do want to have consistent success with low levels of urgency, you can practise using the breath-hold technique. It certainly works for me, in such situations.

JohnW

onlyafool
Posts: 29
Joined: Sat May 05, 2012 5:58 pm

Re: New to PAA

Post by onlyafool » Thu May 17, 2012 9:33 pm

Great story i dont like practicing but i still do it your story has inspired me to achieve the best thankyou

andydiggler
Posts: 4
Joined: Sat May 12, 2012 11:58 pm

Re: New to PAA

Post by andydiggler » Sun Jun 03, 2012 3:13 pm

hello again,
thanks JohnW for your advice. since your post, i have been out practicing with a lower level of urgency. ive been aiming to greatly reduce the amount of fluid in my bladder from one toilet to the next, instead of waiting until my bladder was full again before entering that next toilet. and i have continued to improve, but i must say that with a reduced urgency, its like a complete new challenge. when i start a days practice with a full bladder, and have that "easy" first success, then the rest of the day goes really well, no matter the levels of urgency. but walking cold into a public toilet and peeing with a medium urgency is still really difficult. its like i have extreme short term memory loss, my brain cant remember the ease with which i was peeing the very day before. now i am not complaining, i am happy with where i am, and yes i am continuing to improve.

also i have started practicing the breath hold again. BH helped me right at the start to get out of the cubicle and begin urinal practice, but it didnt work for me in really stressful situations. i think back then my mind wasnt quite ready. i was just freaking out way to much in the beginning when someone was right next to me for anything to possibly help. but my mind is in such a better place now. i guess for some people (like me) BH will only fully work after overall bathroom anxiety has been reduced.

so once again, thanks JohnW for your advice. i will keep practicing and improving. and i encourage everyone who reads this to get out there, to start graduated exposure, to practice practice practice, to try BH and try it again. because it is possible to improve!

cheers
andy

JohnW
Site Admin
Posts: 97
Joined: Sat Jan 10, 2009 9:42 pm

Re: New to PAA

Post by JohnW » Sun Jun 03, 2012 6:07 pm

Andy,

Good to hear from you again, so soon. Your progress towards recovery is remarkable, and I hope your report inspires everyone to practice consistently, even if they can't all spend the time you have been able to spend at it.

Your words about breath holding are what I would expect - it doesn’t get you out of every situation if you’re starting to get into panic stations, but it can still be very useful. And also, it may not work for everyone.

I think most people may take months (or even longer) to see the sort of progress you have reported, but your positive experience is great to hear about. Thanks for sharing.

JohnW

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