Well I'm going to try Hypnotherapy

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Damian
Posts: 13
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2011 9:42 am

Well I'm going to try Hypnotherapy

Post by Damian » Wed Aug 08, 2012 8:54 pm

Hi all

I have been slowly getting better to the point I can 90% of the time freely use a stall.
When there is only one and a line it takes a lot longer but I do succeed in the end.

I have hit a brick wall where urinals are concerned in public.
Any hint of someone around I have no ability, however I have succeeded where there is no one in cooee of the loo.

That said I want to be the carefree urinal user I was in school before the incident that caused my current predicament.

So this week I attended my first hypnotherapy session, if this all fails the next thing to try will be EMDR.

After my first session I did find that my general persona was different, I usually have a short fuze but for the rest of the day I was as patient as can be. I would say from the deep relaxation the session involved..

I did notice the following day I was not so preoccupied with when I next needed to use the loo, so I am hoping further sessions will strengthen that.

I'll keep posting my results as they come.

Damian
I did not have an opertunity to test myself, though I would say its too early to see any real result.

Derek
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Location: Hunter Valley NSW
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Re: Well I'm going to try Hypnotherapy

Post by Derek » Mon Aug 13, 2012 7:41 am

At least you actually have a memory of using urinals before paruresis started, so possilby hypnotherapy may be more beneficial.
Since mine started in mid-primary school, any memories prior to that are vague to say the least.
Mine was also not related to any bullying etc, I just couldn't get my head around so many males all pissing together at once - something I will never get my head around, and only do so and conform now -due to the will to survive in this so-called western civlized society in which we live.
Good luck.

Damian
Posts: 13
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2011 9:42 am

Re: Well I'm going to try Hypnotherapy

Post by Damian » Tue Aug 21, 2012 12:19 am

Well last week I had my second session.

I am now halfway to my next.

I still can't pee in the urinal in front of anyone, no surprise really only 2 into 5 sessions.

The differences are that I don't think about where when I will have to go and whether I can nearly as much as I used to :D .

When I do stand at a urinal my mind is blank, ( I'm not thinking the what if someone comes in) so much, but I think the "habit" of avoiding and thinking the wrong thoughts have made my body still react , or not react to natures call.

I find myself at fault for the pressure to perform, not external.

A few positives that came from session 2 is further anger reduction, my patience levels are so much better. I have always had a short fuse, I have always felt the limitations paruesis has put on my life had compounded this.

Another positive is my organization skills and short term memory are fantastic. I do remember in my first session the lady was saying things like " other people need to write things down", " but you can remember everything".

I tell you I can't believe that was powerful enough to change what has been an issue for me for as long as I can remember.

I am more organised and taking time to doing things once and not twice. Not having to walk back an forth, forgetting something else I need to finish he task at hand. I have for most of my life been rushing around in life trying to do daily tasks rather than in a slower more organized manner. This I feel could be the underlying cause for my being so hard on myself to perform, in the bathroom.

That it for now, and I do feel slowly more confident in myself and I hope this grow to reach my goal.

Damian
Posts: 13
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2011 9:42 am

Re: Well I'm going to try Hypnotherapy

Post by Damian » Thu Sep 20, 2012 10:33 pm

Ok session 3 results.

After this session the lady said see how you go, in other words this last session shoul be all that's needed.

I believe more will be required.
however my thoughts after this session are that I find myself thinking about my shy bladder less and less.
The few days after at a stall with no one around I was able to pee in a more relaxed state, not thinking to hurry hurry before someone comes in.
Though after a few days I felt the old fears and habits returned, though not to the extent before therapy.
One thing that I can say is that after listening to her CD each night going to sleep is that I have a new improved self confidence in general and if I don't pressure my self I have better success in the loo.

A few things to say,

I was keeping score of my successes on my phone each time I had success, putting urgency level, where and if anyone was in the adjoining locker(number of perceived threats). Now these were mostly at work, though a few examples were at shopping centers and loos at parks, though in public I still only had success knowing no one was anywhere near the loo I was in. Otherwise it was total freeze up.

I now no longer log these successes in my phone as I found for me it was creating a daily anguish as I was trying to beat the last days score of successes, if I peed 2 times the day before I must try to beat that and try to pee 3times today etc etc.
This technique is meant to make you think" yes I have succeeded before this many times so now should be easy" but for me it was creating a performance anxiety issue, always trying to beat my previous best score..And feeling down on myself if I didn't.

Now my attitude after the hypnotherapy is if I can that's great and if I can't it's not the end of the world. Thinking this way has helped me not roll it over in my head that I haven't succeeded, in other words trying to forget the issue exists which is what we all want.
Now one thing to tell you all is that if I can't use the urinal I am able to now go without fail if I sit down in a stall, so I do have an "out" so to speak. (in previous times I was just as fearful in a stall and back then I just had to hold on till I got home).
Now the reason I say i think I need more sessions is because I feel that repeated hearing of the things said to release my mind from the fearful thoughts seems to strengthen my confidence. The lady said there will be time that you mentally flick a switch and will no longer think the same way about bathroom situations, thus you will feel "what problem"

So to save myself the many hundreds of going for more sessions, I purchased mp3 files off the net, sounds dumb but I find they are filling the gap.
One file is on pee shy and the other is on performance anxiety, this last one seems to be working for me more, as i at the end of the day feel that I must "perform" each time I wish to pee.

Summary of my daily thoughts now are that

I no longer think all day about when or where I will be abl to pee and succeed ( previous I would want to pee when it's a quiet time of day when no one else is likely to go there and I'll have better chance of success' and better score in my log) but this does not help I WANT to be able to pee with others around!! That's the whole point!!
Now I go whenever nature calls, if nobody is there awesome I'll give it a go and more than likely be ok( the hypnotherapy has given me a more relaxed mind set now) and if people are there I'll just hit the stalls and think nothing more about it.
I know there will be a day hen my confidence will be high enough that I will boldly pee in front of another human!!

Another bonus from not thinking about my issue all day is I am performing better at work, remembering more, I become less frustrated too. This all came after the first session.

The whole key is to not beat yourself up but to think of other things.

On that, soifers book says distraction at the loo is a bad thing to use to beat paruesis but I beg to differ.
For me the best success is to distract my mind by thinking about things other than the job of peeing.
If you stand there thinking I gotta pee I gotta pee, compared to " I need to paint the eaves and mow the lawn this weekend and wash the car and help my daughter with her project.........most of the time I have started to pee.. I have taken the focus off my issue for a moment and while I do this I deep exhale a few times to relax an there you go!!

This won't help everybody but really hope it does.

If you want the files to download its easy to find by googling hypnosis downloads and searching for shy bladder. It's $20 for the 2files.

I listen when I go to sleep, have volume on low so u can just hear it, if it's too loud you will consciously try to listen and it won't work, and u won't fall asleep till its over.

Damian
Posts: 13
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2011 9:42 am

Re: Well I'm going to try Hypnotherapy

Post by Damian » Thu Dec 20, 2012 7:35 pm

Ok

So update time.

I went for a 4the session.

The storyline I went through was to tap into the old days at school when I could go at the urinal fine.

It revolved around the pleasure of being able to wee on the wall and the fun of squirting all over the wall.

Unfortunately this did not benefit me at all.

It's line of attack is expensive and for me has not cured the problem.

Benefits as outlined above have been beneficial though.

I will now Try Internet based "cures" the ones that have money back guarantees.

Wish me luck!

JohnW
Site Admin
Posts: 97
Joined: Sat Jan 10, 2009 9:42 pm

Re: Well I'm going to try Hypnotherapy

Post by JohnW » Tue Dec 25, 2012 1:40 pm

Damian,

Thank you for an interesting series of posts. You have given us much to think about.

My first port of call many years ago when beginning to confront my paruresis was a few sessions with a psychologist who used hypnosis. Although I believe there was no direct help from the hypnosis as such, I did learn the technique of going into deep relaxation, and I used this daily for many years. I do believe that this played a part in my eventual excellent recovery from paruresis, as it made me a more relaxed person, in all sorts of challenging situations. I have come to believe that the key to the internal sphincter (the valve on the wall of the bladder) opening when needed, is having a sufficient level of relaxation. Without this level it simply will not open.

I agree with you regarding the distraction issue. In real life we do not need to be pursuing recovery each time we go to the toilet. Sometimes we simply need to get relief, and to use distraction on those occasions makes a lot of sense.

Your posts indicate that you have made very good progress in a number of ways. If you have the determination to program intentional practice sessions into your life (preferably at least weekly) and to keep at it, I am sure that in time you will achieve the paruresis freedom that you seek. You need to be patient, and.....relaxed.

JohnW

Damian
Posts: 13
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2011 9:42 am

Re: Well I'm going to try Hypnotherapy

Post by Damian » Mon May 06, 2013 9:42 pm

You are right John,

If you are more relaxed you have better success, So I have taken the level back a notch to reduce the pressure.

I had been trying too hard of late to keep up appearances in front of a urinal that each time I needed to go was not relaxed and i felt nervous. (still only able when alone)

In the last few weeks I had just gone back to the stall with door closed every time, and now in the stall standing I am feeling more secure and not giving a crap about how busy it is (before i was still listening out). and if its too busy I know i can sit down for 100% success.

I did find that the Hypnotherapy tape worked best when I shortened it to 30 mins while awake. (it is a 55min CD)
I was listening to it when i went to bed to sleep and Had no benefit at all.

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